Budgers

When we were kids, my brother used to call a person who butted in line a "budger." We were taught that it was rude to push, shove, or otherwise inconvenience others in order to advance oneself unfairly. There were occassional after-school accounts of one bully or another who budged in line at the drinking fountain, or when lining up after recess. Righteous indignation was vented.

In the adult world, we thought, things would be different. We observed the orderly lines of grown-ups at the grocery store, at the bank, and in traffic. People weren't always patient, but they understood that there was an order to things, and they were at least resigned to following that order. One more thing to get us excited about growing up.

And then, apparently, there was A Memo, which I missed, that informed the rest of the world that the whole "waiting your turn" thing is more of a guideline than a social rule, and furthermore is only in effect if you're not in a hurry or stressed, or if your car is smaller than everyone else's.

Exhibit A: Walking at normal speed in the direction of a checkout counter at the grocery store. I am closer to the counter than anyone. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a couple comes speeding up and budges in front of me. My cart isn't full, I'm not going to take very long, and I'm close; clearly headed in the direction of the checkout. And the amazing thing is that this couple isn't even young (which some people think is excusable when one is rude--they just haven't learned, in their brief twenty years on the planet, that people should be polite to one another). I do nothing and say nothing, because I don't care all that much. I'm not in a big hurry, and their cart isn't very full either, so it's not like I'm going to be waiting that much longer. The thing that is interesting to me is that the couple puts their heads down for the duration of their wait in line, and look pointedly away from me whenever there is an opportunity for eye contact. I want to ask them: So was it worth it? Feeling like slime for a few minutes, when you could have been two minutes longer at the checkout feeling benevolent instead?

Exhibit B: Sitting at a green light, waiting for oncoming traffic to abate so I can turn left. A car behind me zooms out into the oncoming traffic lane, pulls in front of me, and turns right. I guess he changed his mind about turning left, and that's his prerogative.

Exhibit C: Driving straight through a yellow light (that turned just as I enter the intersection). Allow me to make it very clear that I have the right of way. The very large SUV facing me on the left, waiting for the opportunity to make a left-hand turn, darts out in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes and swerve to avoid her. Fortunately, I'm not going that fast, and I am able to stop in time. She doesn't appear to notice that she has almost killed someone. Amazingly, as I begin to put my foot on the gas to continue through the intersection (the light is now red), the truck behind her does the exact same thing, pulling right in front of me. Fortunately, he realizes that he was about to hit someone and stops for a second, but when he sees that I'm stopped, he continues on through. After all, he was the one with the momentum. Amazing. Finally, I have the opportunity to finish nervously making my way through the intersection, and get out of the way of all the people who now have a green light. So apparently it's no longer about taking turns or obeying the law. It's more along the lines of a personal decision--you decide when you've been waiting long enough, and when you have, you do whatever it takes to get where you want to go.

I have a friend that used to try to give people the benefit of the doubt when she saw them act like that. She actually said one time, when we were waiting in parking lot traffic after a large conference, and a guy drove up onto the sidewalk in order to bypass the other waiting cars, "Maybe his wife is in labor or something." I thought that was really Christian of her, but forgive me for doubting that the guy darting in front of me so he can get into a closer parking spot in the Coscto lot is under pressure due to a medical emergency.

It seems like everyone is more and more impatient--even my kids will call to find out where I am if it's 3:01 and I said I'd pick them up at 3:00. Sadly, I'm not exaggerating.

I'm not offering excuses or solutions or anything. Just an observation that it seems like society in general is beginning to think that it's okay to be rude, as long as you get what you want, because you're a busy person, and everyone owes you something. I'm wondering where that attitude is leading us. For me, I do a lot of thoughtless things when I'm zoned out or stressed. I've cut people off. I'm sure I've budged. And I'm sorry for that. I realize that being preoccupied makes me the kind of person that I don't really like. So I'm trying to slow down and take it a little easier. It's good for my blood pressure and general health, too.

So the other day, when I was waiting in a very long line at the post office, and I realized that I didn't feel like waiting anymore, I decided to go back another time, when I wasn't feeling rushed. I wasn't mad or anything, I just left. As I walked out, the woman behind me said loudly, "Well, good!" and stepped up to take my place. I'm so glad I could make her happy. Maybe then she was able to relax enough to avoid hitting multiple pedestrians as she was leaving the parking lot.