You Want a Piece of Me?

I receive a lot of requests in the form of phone calls from individuals and companies wanting me (in my position with PTA) to endorse their product or cause. Sometimes this is fun, because it makes me feel special. Like when the Governor's office calls. A lot of the time, though, it makes me want to a) refer them to a special hospital for crazy people and/or b) refer them to a document that so far doesn't exist and ask them to call back when they've learned it by heart. After today I will have someplace to direct them. Yay!

Ten Simple Tips for Getting Me On Your Side

1. Do not call me at my home on the weekend. Just because I am a volunteer doesn't mean I don't take a day off once in a while. I spend weekends with my family, just like you do. This also goes for late evenings.

2. Do not call me expecting to take more than fifteen minutes of my time, unless I ask you to extend the conversation. If you ask, "Do you have a minute?" to me that means a minute. Or two. Or even fifteen. It does not mean forty-five or anything close to it.

3. Do not call me expecting to be able to share your life story with me. I want to know what your cause is and what you want from me. If I have questions about what brought you to this point, I'll ask them. I am not interested in knowing about your two friends who have ceased to speak to you because you decided to try to bring in extra income for your family and they think you should be devoting your time to nurturing your family and your husband needs a second job. Really. That doesn't help endear me to your cause. It makes me think you are crazy. Not that I agree with your friends--I just don't think it pertains to our conversation at all, and you are crazy for sharing.

4. Do not refuse to share personal information with me that I am going to need in order to help you. Like your name.

5. Do not ask me what my religious beliefs are. Do not sigh with relief when I reluctantly answer your question and you find that we share the same beliefs. Just because we go to the same church doesn't mean I can back up every crazy idea you have.

6. Do not tell me what your religious beliefs are. Do not quote LDS Church leaders to me.

7. Do be brief. Have a concise statement written out that you can read from, if necessary. Get your friends to read the statement and offer advice on what to take out. Make sure they have you take out the part about where your kids go to school, what kinds of scholarships they have, what they're studying, and what got them there.

8. Do have something to offer all Utah children in the way of health.

9. Do assume that I have minimal knowledge regarding the American experience. For example, being a member of the Parent Teacher Association, I am a parent. That's not a given, because it's possible I am a childless teacher. Either way, I know what kids are. I know what an average classroom looks like. I know what a school administrator is. I also know that children move out of elementary school into junior high or middle school, and then on to high school. That kind of thing.

10. Try email. It's the wave of the future.

Now we shouldn't have any more problems. I can go ahead with personal stuff, like making it to my friend's wedding on time, and you can be free to call other people and dump your crazy all over them. Thanks for your call.