T-Mobile Customer Service Guy: Thank you for choosing T-Mobile. How can I help you today?
Me: Hi. I'd like to close my account.
TMCSG: Oh! What happened???
Me (laughing): Nothing happened. We're staying with T-Mobile. We just decided to open a new account.
TMCSG: Why did you do that?
Do you really not know? Am I the first genius to ever come up with this trick?
Me: Well, we got a really good deal, and we weren't that concerned about keeping our old phone numbers, so that's what we did.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. I wish you had checked with us first. Because we offer some great loyalty discounts. We probably could have gotten you a better deal.
Me: Well, we did check, actually. And this deal we got was really good. We couldn't pass it up.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. We could have gotten you a really good deal on some new phones.
Me: We actually got a great deal, but thanks.
CSG: What did you get?
Me: Free.
Which, by the way, we had checked on with the loyalty discounts. The phones we wanted were not free. Not even close.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. I bet we could have gotten you some free phones.
Me: We got a Blackberry, and a Sidekick, and two Wings. Free.
Only the three coolest, most expensive phones in the store.
CSG: Wow. That is a good deal. But it's too bad you didn't go through T-Mobile. Who did you go with? Because those other companies don't always offer you the best customer service.
Me: We went with T-Mobile.
CSG: Oh. Did you go to one of our stores?
Me: Yes. We did. And they happened to have a deal where we got all that stuff for free. Okay, actually, we paid $50 for the Blackberry and the Sidekick, but it was still a great deal that we didn't feel we could get anywhere else.
CSG: Well, we couldn't have given you Blackberries for that, but I bet we could have gotten them for you for about $100.
Me: Uh. . . right. Well, we didn't feel like that was as good a deal, really. Aaaand we didn't care about keeping our old phone numbers.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. Because I bet you had to pay activation fees.
Me: Nope. Free.
CSG: Well, that is a good deal, but it's too bad about losing your old phone numbers.
Me: See, we didn't care about that so much.
CSG: But what about your plan? That was a great plan! You lost your plan, which was a really good deal, and we don't even offer that plan any more.
Me: Right, well, that plan didn't have enough minutes for our family, so we had to upgrade anyway. So opening the new account really was the best move for us. Because we got such a good deal, and we didn't care about losing our old phone numbers.
CSG: Oh, I just wish you would have checked with us first. We really would have liked to work with you.
Me: We did.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. I wish I could have talked to you. We could have offered you some great free phones, and you would have kept your account. You've been with us for some time, and you've really built up some loyalty with us.
Me: Well, I guess that wasn't as important to us as, you know, all the free stuff.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. Is it too late to get you back? Has the buyer's remorse period expired?
Did I forget to mention that I opened the new account with T-Mobile? And that we like our cool phones? And that there's no remorse involved on my side? At all?
Me: Yeah, it is. Except I didn't really LEAVE. I'm still with T-Mobile. But yes, it's too late to go back. We've had the new phones for over two weeks.
CSG: Oh, that's too bad. Because I really think we could have worked with you to get some good phones (not free Blackberries, but really good phones) and kept your old numbers. We have a great [names some lame phone that doesn't do anything except make phone calls--chuh!] we could have gotten you for free.
Me: Well, yeah. It's too late, though. So I guess I'd really just like to close out that old account. Because right now I'm paying for two accounts, and that's not really what I had in mind when I opened the new one.
There was more, but I'll spare you. You get the gist of it, anyway.
CSG: Okay, I mean, I'll do that for you. But next time, I hope you'll call us before you make a decision like that, because we'd really like to keep your loyalty and we can work with you when you've been with us for such a long time.
Me: Okay. I'll do that. Thanks.
I guess next time I have some thinking to do--about what's moral and right. And about how much loyalty really means to me. Apparently it means much, much more than sticking with the same company for a service you've come to appreciate. It means paying that company extra money for the privilege of retaining the right to be referred to as loyal whenever you call customer service. And now I know.
3 comments:
I would have appreciated you having that old number, though, when I tried to text you to tell you that we'd be at your house at 8:00 in the morning... I mean, maybe your new number hasn't caused you any hassle, but I had to wait at your house for a full five minutes for you to come and get me. Please consider that next time. I have been a loyal friend for several years now, and I should deserve some loyalty benefits.
That guy sounds like one of those super-possessive girlfriends that never lets their man out for a night with his friends.
He can't be happy unless _I_ make him happy! :)
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