Diagnosis: Savant

Once again I have proven to the world that I am a total genius. Why they don't offer me an honorary M.D. on a platter is beyond me. Oh, and that would need to include a license to practice.

About ten years ago I went to the doc with heart palpitations and a bunch of other symptoms. (My regular doc wasn't available, so I saw someone else in the clinic.) I was told that I had severe depression and would need to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life, if not longer. I refused the medication on the grounds that that diagnosis just didn't feel right to me. I was (not very cordially) dismissed from the office.

A few days later I went back with worsening symptoms and said he (regular doc this time) could put me on whatever he wanted to, but I couldn't take the agony any more. I said (again) that I still didn't feel like it was depression. He looked me over and ordered a blood test, just to make sure we weren't missing anything.

Turns out I had an ulcer.

Skip ahead ten years. Same types of symptoms. Went to my (new) doc with heart palpitations, insomnia, and fear of what might happen/not happen when a certain missionary returns home. Said I wasn't willing to go on antidepressants, but was willing to accept the fact that there might be some stress/anxiety in my life. Accepted sleep aid medication.

Last week I went back with worsening symptoms and said (see above). I also said that by the way I think I might have an ulcer or something because I seem to remember this happening before.

Ahem.

New doc talked with me for a while about antidepressants and how great they are for people with my symptoms. I reminded him that I have additional symptoms that are not pointing to anything emotional, which we don't have to go into right now. He apologized for not listening to me (which is why he's going to remain my doc) and ran some blood tests. (Okay, so it was partly my fault as I tend to get the priorities mixed up when describing my symptoms, which is why it would be way easier if I was allowed to just conduct the whole examination and diagnosis in my head.)

Turns out I have an ulcer!

So here I sit with extreme gut pain, but feeling so smug about my own brilliance it's hard to fully appreciate how uncomfortable I am.

I just wonder, without an M.D., what are the applications for my genius? How can I share with the world? It only really seems to work when I use it on myself, and then only about . . . way less than half the time. So don't dismiss your "qualified" doctor yet. But you might want to consult me for second opinions. I'm fairly cheap and won't perform invasive testing.