Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

We're back! I apologize if you were among the many who didn't know we were gone, but at least you can take comfort in knowing you are in the majority. And now, in a brief series of posts, I will attempt to share some of the more amusing aspects of the journey.

Planes

• Gone are the days of the helpful and pleasant flight attendant. I guess they were only required to be nice back when they were called stewardesses. Oh, Vicki Barr, I miss you so! Seriously, when we boarded the plane in Salt Lake, the flight attendant just glared at us and watched us walk by. I have to give them a little credit though; on the way home, when the temperature in the cabin reached about twenty below, and I rang for the flight attendant to beg for a blanket through my chattering teeth, she responded quickly, even though they were just about to begin their complimentary beverage service.
• My bag was FIRST off the plane in Chicago. Not just one of the first--I mean Number One! That has never happened to me before, and that stroke of luck bode well for the remainder of the trip. Unfortunately the luck didn't last.
• We stood there waiting for the garment bag to come out at baggage claim, and after a while we started looking at each other and saying things like, "Uh, did you check the garment bag?" Then we remembered that it was safe at home, with all our church clothes in it.
• Someone forgot to notify us that our return flight was cancelled. Correction: someone notified us via email two days after we left--geniuses. The great part about that was that we didn't have anywhere to go anyway, since we had to check out of the hotel at 11:00, and the airline gave us a bunch of food vouchers. The bad part was that we had to sit in the Chicago airport for six hours. I seriously felt like I was in The Terminal or something.
• My kids kept asking whether we were going to fly first class or coach. Chuh!

Trains

• I love, love, LOVE the smell of the subway. And they all smell the same, I'm finding. I think I love it because it reminds me of that time I lived in Boston, which is one of my coolest memories. The first time we went down into the subway I just stood there and breathed it in. Then some ignorant person in our party said, "It smells like poo." That person and I are no longer on speaking terms.
• Drunk people are pathetic. Drunk people on the train are really pathetic. I did have an opportunity to save a person's life, though, so that was exciting. She didn't thank me. I think she never actually woke up during the time her life was in danger or after I saved it. The funny part was when we asked this other guy who had got on at her stop and appeared to be with her, if indeed he was with her. He gave her a disgusted look for a minute, and then said, "No. It looks like she's your problem now." And then everyone in the entire car burst into hysterical laughter. Then after she almost got her head split open (and I saved her) he came and took her away.

Automobiles

• The rental car company said the luxury car we got would seat six adults comfortably. Since we're tired of minivans, and we only have five people, we went that route. They lied. Also, the clerk who checked us in was rude. But at least we got to hear that cool Chicago accent right off the bat, and to hear it saying rude things. So that was cool.
• The map I read led me to believe it would take about four hours to drive to Nauvoo. That was an inaccurate estimate.
• The trunk was big enough to accomodate all our bags, in addition to the clothes we purchased to replace the ones we forgot.
• People shouldn't take cabs to go more than a couple of miles, unless they have a lot of extra money. Sadly, we had no other way to get to our alleged 3.5 star hotel, which did not offer a free shuttle to the airport.
• Shuttles from the hotel appeared to be randomly priced. (We had to take them because buses didn't run to the train station, which train took us downtown.) One day we caught one for $23. The next day, it was $15. And the last one was $30. Same destination, same number of people. This confused us. It also prompted us to take more cabs. At least we knew what we were in for that way.
• One of our cab drivers, who was smoking when we got in the car, hacked and coughed the whole way, in addition to talking on his cell phone as he barrelled down the tollway in the pouring rain. Also, he had long, stringy white hair. Picture Anthony Hopkins (sans hotness, sans tan) in Zorro (pre-jailbreak), which might be cool in your typical Hollywood swashbucker, but is not so much in the middle of the night in 21st Century Chicago. I like the Middle Eastern and Indian cab drivers better. They aren't creepy.