Today was the last Dance Festival of my parenting career. Lola performed admirably from the back row, and as always, I enjoyed sitting through the ninety minutes of other kids' dances as well. I always think it's going to be a big pain to go, and then I end up loving the whole thing. I cry, even. Those kids are so dang cute! After seven years of elementary school performances, I think I finally have a handle on the whole thing. During the twenty minute breaks between class acts (pun intended), I was thinking about those of you who will be parents of kindergarteners someday soon, as well as those who are going to be attending performances of grandchildren, and I decided you need a few tips in order to get the most out of the experience from the beginning. These tips are for outdoor performances, since it's spring/summer, but you can easily modify them slightly for indoor events.1. Arrive two to three hours early if you want to sit in one of the first three rows. Set up camping chairs for yourself and all your relatives. Lay blankets out in case people get tired of sitting. Park strollers directly in front of other people's chairs.
2. Do not leave your seat. If you do, someone will take/move/use it.
3. Set up a giant umbrella. Take it down only when your child is performing. Make sure it blocks the view of at least a hundred people.
4. Wear sunscreen. Bug spray might not be a bad idea either.
5. Take plenty of food and water--after all, you'll be there for several hours.
6. While your child is performing, stand up and move to the front of the crowd. If you're sitting in front, stand up anyway. Follow your child's movements, even if it means walking around in front of the crowd. Take photos and video (a second person is helpful to have along).
7. If necessary when filming, walk right out onto the stage area in order to get a good shot of your child. You can even stop the performance to give your child a hug and kiss if you think that will help them feel special.
8. If you arrive late, due to an unforseen emergency, such as an act of war or natural disaster of biblical proportions, feel free to park wherever you like so you don't have to walk any distance. If you need to use someone's driveway, blocking their cars and garage, go right ahead. If they're smart, they're at the school event anyway. Fire hydrants are also okay to block.
9. When your child is not performing, talk on your cell phone or converse with friends. Do not attempt to lower your voice. No one is there to see anyone but your child, anyway. I don't even know why they bother to let the others perform.
10. Wonder what in the heck is wrong with kids these days, and why they're so rude.
6 comments:
Daltongirl, you are brilliant. This post was your typical hilarious post. And I wish that all the parents could read it.
yes, the tricks of the trade.now everyone will know how horrible the parents at my schools manners are are though.....
YOU are it! The one to come in and educate my school's parents before next year's festivities. Also, I cried my eyes out yesterday. It was the whole sun shining, happy parents, star-spangeled banner song echoing off the mountains, that I might never see again thing. At least till my own kid in in a dance festival! Great post!
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I hate to say it, but I like you best when you're all mean like this.
(I'm ashamed.)
Universal truth. You could have been writing about Hometown.
And this reminds me of the time we drove to Rivaltown to see a parade. Only, alas, the residents had reserved all seating three weeks prior to the event, and were loath to share with newcomers. We finally found a spot next to two cranky old ladies, who decided that their due for letting us stand on their part of the street was to snitch a hefty percentage of the candy that the parade folks were throwing to my young sisters.
th. i'm also ashamed but have to admit that i first realized i wanted daltongirl as a real-life friend when we were working on a project together and she was "all mean like this".
i guess i just like sarcasm! :o)
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