You Ancient Pelican!

I am so absolutely burned out on the Legislature, that I am unwilling to discuss anything about my life. And so, in order to take my mind off of all that, I turn to the obvious: John Wayne movies.

Here are three "The Duke" movies everyone must see--well, two. One of them is not appropriate, but I didn't know that when I saw it. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

1. Riders of Destiny
An incredibly young Wayne stars as "Sandy, the Singing Cowboy." Need I say more? He carries his tiny little guitar with him and sings as he rides along, wearing a fancy outfit, dark (red? can't tell because of the b&w) lipstick, heavy eyeliner, and a lovely smile for the ladies. The trademark sneer had not yet come into existence. Nor, apparently, had the concept of the "man's man."

2. The Shootist
This was the first R-rated movie I ever saw. I was about twelve. Ironically, my pastor took me, along with my younger brother, and our pastor's kids, who were our best friends. The only thing I remember was that John Wayne was old, dying (in the movie and in real life), and he said a lot of swear words.

3. The High and The Mighty
Just saw this one last night, and I can't say enough about it. A thirty-something Wayne plays a washed-up airline pilot who is supposed to be about sixty-five. We never figured out what the title had to do with the actual plot. Leonard Maltin says it's a classic. I say Leonard Maltin smokes crack. Our three favorite lines were:

Stewardess (and I do mean stewardess--speaking to Chinese passenger): I'm the original dumb bunny. That's slang for mentally retarded American girls like me.

Spoiler alert!!!!!

The Duke (spoken as the crew is about to land the plane and not crash into the ocean and kill all the passengers): Now I lay me down to sleep.

Try saying that in your best John Wayne voice. Awesome!

Some guy in the airline terminal to Wayne: So long, you ancient pelican.

What the?!?

The film was made in 1955, and is chock full of racial slurs and misogenistic barbs. Also, I guess by that time those Hollywood folks had figured out how men are supposed to act. No lipstick or singing for the guys in this movie.

If you do rent this "classic," you'll get a heck of a performance from Robert Stack, who takes the slapping John gives him like a man. Sadly, you will not get to hear him say, "You have a Brain Cloud."

I will say this in his defense: ol' Marion Morrison looks mighty nice in a uniform. And that is all.

So there you are. Happy viewing. And back to the Legislature for me. See you on the other side.