People are starting to get stressed out, and I think it's time for me to hole up in my basement with my food storage and some shotguns. Let's go over some evidence from this week.
Case #1: Daltonboy and I went to a certain store which I feel I should name, in case Tony takes it a step further next time and tries to physically harm someone rather than limit himself to extreme condescension and rudeness (American Fork Bed, Bath, and Beyond). We tried to spend a bunch of money on some new pots and pans. We were successful, but not before we were abused by Tony. I really wanted the pots and pans, or I may have just walked out. All we did was ask why there were two different signs advertising two different deals, and why one sign said there was a ten-piece set, but only seven pieces were listed. Tony, who either attended the Third Reich School of Customer Service, or who is on edge and worried about losing his home due to foreclosure, managed to answer our questions by saying a bunch of words that really meant, "You people are complete morons and I don't know why I'm wasting my time with you."
Daltonboy: These two signs have two different offers for the same sale. Is one right, or . . . ?
Tony: Yeah, well, you can take the one you want. Either way, you're getting a great deal, so . . . [are we through here, idiots?]
Case #2: I pulled into the parking lot of my favorite health food store (where I generally expect to be greeted by an atmosphere of hippie tranquility) just behind a young man in a truck. The young man appeared to be pulling into a slot across the parking lot, so I slipped in to one of two slots that were available on the opposite side (note: the slot I took was furthest from the door). Apparently the young man had intended to back into my slot, although there was no earthly way I could have known that, and my inconsiderate and rude not-mind-reading act set him off. I can only surmise that he was coming down from a high and was in need of drugs. He screamed at me as I entered the store while he finished parking, and then he leapt from his truck and followed me into produce, where he came up just behind me and muttered obscenities in my ear before retreating, I assume, to the incense section, where he would purchase something to mask the scent of his marijuana smoking so his mom wouldn't find out. I was slightly afraid for my physical safety, the violence of his response was so unbalanced in regards to the offense.
Conclusion: People are going nuts. This is why hermits are created--because the economy tanks and everyone is so stressed out that they start killing each other out there, so the smart ones move out into the forest, grow long beards, get big dogs, and refuse to participate in unhealthy social intercourse. I am a smart one. The beard is already well on its way.
Also, it's very cold, and my car has decided that it can't start unless the temperature is at least 32 degrees Farenheit. One more reason for me to just stay home and order stuff off the Internet.
I don't really want a dog, so if anyone knows of a good recording I could get of about five Akitas going wild just behind the door, let me know.
4 comments:
I can totally see you all Unabomber-y living in a shack in the woods and typing manifestos. Except, when I picture you there are no bombs. So, that's good.
I hate run-ins with psychos. I am always full of adrenaline and exhibiting signs of PTSD for days after. Hopefully you got some incense, too, to calm your nerves. Or maybe you got some pot. Either way, nerves calmed!
This is probably not the best time for me to comment on your hermit post, as I'm sitting in a committee room on Capitol Hill waiting for an appropriations meeting to begin that is now 20 minutes late starting. The purpose of this meeting is to talk about how much the legislators can slash health and human services programs before all the people in Utah are affected. Since I anticipate the cuts to be drastic, there may be no alternative but for all of us to become hermits because there's no way any governmental services will be available to help us with our needs.
How do we find out about good deals on remote cabins? Or will we have to hew logs and build one ourselves? Pass the hatchet.
As a banker, it is my duty to say that the economy could fully recover by the end of 2009 thanks to the government's bailout plan. So don't hole up yet. Don't ask me if I believe it.
But really I just wanted to say that I wandered onto your blog from one of my sister's and I think you're great and I just might add you to my blog list if that's okay. Okay? Okay.
Allison: I need all the friends I can get. Welcome!
Natalie: How many times have I told you--I'm off pot for good. But the stretching exercises they gave me in rehab do seem to help.
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