Open Letter to My Kids and Their Friends

Here are some things I remember about being a teenager:

1. You want to be with your friends all the time.

2. Sometimes it is uncomfortable/embarrassing to try to make small talk with your friends' parents.

3. You have no concept of time or money.

4. You think you know more than your parents, or your friends' parents.

5. You have no concept of what the adults in your life sacrifice for you and provide for you.

Now, with the understanding that I have some empathy for your position, I think there are a few things that you and I need to get straight:

1. You don't need me to pick you up and drive you to school when you live two blocks away from school, just because you want to see your friends for five more minutes.

2. The next time you get in my car without acknowledging me, or leave my car without thanking me, you can expect that ride to be your last from me.

3. I can get a job tomorrow making at least $25/hour. If you look around, and get some help filling out your application, you might be able to find a job making $9. Regardless of what you think I'm going to be doing today while you're at school, this makes my time more valuable than yours. I am paying $3.50 a gallon for gas. That means it costs money for me to start my car. You are paying nothing for me to use my valuable time and gas to cart you around. The least you can do is thank me. Or say hello when you get in my car.

4. I've had about twenty-five years to think about how much I knew when I was seventeen. That's a long time to think. I now know that what I knew then was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Correction: I knew that Air Supply was a great band. No, strike that. I knew nothing.

Now that I am ancient, I know a couple of things. I know that some things are bad for you. Some things are leading to things that are bad for you. And I get to make rules that will protect you from those things. If you, in your alleged superior wisdom, break my rules, you will have to experience consequences. This does not make me stupid, cruel, or out of touch. In fact, it makes me exactly the opposite. Of course, I didn't believe my parents when they gave me this line, either. But it turns out they were right.

5. It's okay that you don't truly understand our sacrifice. That's part of being a kid. But don't sit around whining about how hungry you are and then get ticked off when you're asked to set the table. You also don't get to complain about what's provided for you, free of charge.

Bottom line: you need to start showing some respect, and tell your friends. At least enough to be polite, courteous, and obedient to me to my face. If you choose to act otherwise, I will invoke the Mother's Curse from the beginning of time: I can't wait to see how your kids treat you.

Okay, then. I think we've cleared some things up, and we won't be having any more problems.