I'm a Generic!

A bit of background information for my story--in case I haven't bragged about this stuff enough.

1. During the production of this Web site, I was hired as a contractor to be the head editor/writer. A friend of mine was also hired, and between the two of us, we're responsible for most of the text you read there. It was a long time ago, but every once in a while, someone will read something aloud in church from that site or from a related publication, like "True to the Faith," much of which was adapted from the text on that site, and I'll think, "Hey. I wrote that!" Kind of fun.

2. I am currently writing a resource book for parents and teachers on how to reward kids without using food. The movement to reverse the obesity epidemic needs all the help it can get, and this is one way adults can make a big difference--by helping kids not to develop habits of needing to put food in their mouths every time they do something good, causing them to grow up to be adults who have to put food in their mouths every time they do something good. And usually that food is unhealthy. I have a grant from the National Governor's Association through the Utah Department of Health to distribute the fruits of my labors to every school in Utah once it's done, which, uh, should have been last week.

Okay, there's the background. And we're in New Jersey right now, on vacation, visiting my brother's family and seeing the sights of New York, so we visited a local church today.

During sacrament meeting, a speaker read a quote from the above mentioned Web site, and said "I assume this was written by some generic Church employee." I spent the rest of the meeting picturing myself sitting at my computer, looking a little like this: remember those pesky Putties from Power Rangers? That's me.

After sacrament meeting, we went to Sunday School, where the teacher dropped a giant bag of candy on the table and said, "As always, there will be treats given to every person who makes a comment."

Wha?!?

For me, it felt a little like people were throwing out answers just to get candy. Also, the candy distribution seemed to detract from the actual making of the point that was supposed to be made. Maybe I'm extra judgmental because this woman was doing the same job I do back at home and violating the first principle of my book. Maybe it was just my interpretation of the events. Or maybe it had something to do with the one woman in the back who started barking like a seal and clapping when the teacher forgot to throw her the treat.

Maybe I'm being a tiny bit egocentric here, but I wondered for a second if the good people of the Caldwell First Ward had entered into a conspiracy to try to get my goat today. But of course that's silly. How could they have known I was coming? Especially since I'm a generic, right?

So I went up to the guy who gave the talk--it really was a very nice talk--and told him I enjoyed it, which I did. I said, "Oh. And I'm the 'generic Church employee' you quoted on agency. Just thought you'd like to have a face to put to the name." He became a little flustered and apologized, which I didn't mean for him to have to do. I told him it was no big deal. What are the odds that the person you are quoting is going to show up for your talk--even if they don't live 2000 miles away? Pretty slim. But let this be a lesson to us all. And no more candy in Sunday School. Please. I beg you.