Old Lady Goes to College, Week 2

The big news this week is that I finally broke down and started wheeling my backpack around. The reasons for this are threefold:

1. Daltonboy bought me this awesome backpack a couple of years ago and the wheels are very, very nice. It seems a shame to waste them.

2. The backpack with books, lunch, water, and accessories weighs approximately 342 pounds. I can feel my osteoporosis-ridden bones crumbling under the weight. Also I just spent a lot of money on chiropractic work, and I don't think hauling that thing around is on the approved list.

3. Wheeling backpacks are mostly used by teachers. Now everyone is smiling at me and being really nice.

Statistics say that only 40 percent of us will end up with jobs once we finish this program. That was a little stressful the first time I heard it. Every day it gets a little easier as I gain a little more confidence by watching my fellow students.

Exhibit A: Cute young student goes up to teacher before class. "I never check my email, so I was just wondering, did you email me? 'Cause I seriously never check it."

Exhibit B: I get on the bus near my house with a guy carrying a really cool didgeridoo and wearing five watches. Five. Turns out this guy is also in my first class. The teacher has the guy play the didgeridoo, and I have to admit, it's really cool. But that still doesn't explain why he's carrying it around campus, especially when he tells the teacher he just bought it off the Internet because he liked it and it doesn't have anything to do with school.

After class, a different guy walks up to Five Watches Guy and says, "What's with that thing?" FWG: It's a didgeridoo.

Other guy: Why are you carrying it around?

FWG: It has a wax mouthpiece, and I didn't want it to melt in my car.

Uh, dude? You rode the bus.

Okay, so maybe FWG just didn't want to answer the question, but why else would you carry a didgeridoo around campus if you didn't want attention? Just wondering.

Exhibit C: Students who don't read the textbook should know that it's not a good idea to comment in class, because they will end up looking like morons. A lot of people don't catch on to this.

Teacher: What is inclusion?

Ooh! I know that. Straight out of the textbook. Basically it's the new term for mainstreaming students with special needs. But before I can answer . . .

Guy: It's when you include people that might get left out.

You SO didn't do the reading, did you? Hmm?

Guess who's getting a job in a year and a half and who isn't. Yeah. That lady with the nerdy backpack is going to be able to buy like ten more backpacks to roll around the high school. Maybe you can get a job as a table performer at Outback Steakhouse.