More about hair

It has occurred to me that there is plenty more to say about hair. I didn't realize this until last night, when I got together with about thirty other women from my ward, we'll call it "Enrichment Night," but really the only thing enriching about it was the fact that we ate a bunch of pie. But that's another subject for another time.

So I was sitting there with some friends, one of whom I consider to be the most right-thinking, coolest individual in the ward (excepting myself, of course), and I said to her, jokingly, "Hey, I've been trying to get my hair to look just like yours, and then you go and cut yours to look like mine!" She responded by rolling her eyes and telling me she had to grow it back out, because her husband got mad.

Excuse me?

I believe this, because last year she used all her birthday money to buy herself a nice straightener, and then her husband told her he wanted it curly, not straight. Straight didn't look feminine enough. As if she could look masculine if she tried. Her hair was halfway down her back.

Anyway, after this shocking statement, without missing a beat, another woman at the table (who, incidentally, told me that she cut her hair off to shoulder length a year ago because she was mad at her husband and couldn't think of a worse way to punish him) piped up with a suggestion that at our next Enrichment Night we all get together and cut our hair off an inch long, and go home and defy our husbands. Whatever. I suggest she take some valium.

The thing is, I really like both of the husbands of these women. They are intelligent, funny, and seem to be really great guys. We enjoy bantering together, and I think they like me. Are they sitting at home saying, "Man, I'm sure glad I'm not married to that Leslie Dalton. She has a mind of her own--chooses her own hairstyle, even."

So what is going on here? It would never occur to my husband to tell me how to wear my hair. He might suggest a certain style he thinks is more flattering to me, but honestly, it would not have anything to do with the length he likes. It would really have everything to do with what I like, and what actually looks good. And because he is my best friend, and sometimes knows what he's talking about, I would listen to his advice, take it seriously, and then do whatever I want. Because it's my hair.

This, to me, is different from asserting that it's "my life," or "my money." These are things that need to be shared and major decisions about them need to be made with a spouse. But hair? Give me a break. (Some people may be remembering that Bret had that horrible flattop when we first started dating. Please also remember that he asked me what I thought, I told him, and then he made the decision to change it on his own. There wasn't any ultimatum or demand made. Although I may not have been able to marry him if he hadn't changed it.)

Once my mom told me that my husband would love me more if I grew my hair out. She claimed later that she was kidding, and in hindsight I'm thinking she probably was, because that was a really funny thing to say. Anyway, I did grow my hair out later, and it didn't seem to have any effect. I never thought to ask him if that woman he was sleeping with at the time we got divorced had longer hair than me. Maybe that was the problem. An "AHA!" moment here, friends.

So are people secretly participating in Fascinating Womanhood workshops without telling me? According to the Web site, the "movement" is very much alive. And all of those ecstatically married women have long hair. Hmmmm. Definitely something to think about, except that I don't know how my marriage could be any happier. If only he'd quit insisting that I wax my beard . . .