That's right, friends, I have been in rehab the last few days, but I'm okay. I think I'm gonna pull through. So I was feeling generally gross, in both body and spirit, and the thought came to me: why not do a juice fast? My mom used to do these. Then she would try to get me and my sister to do them, and we'd go to friends' houses and eat as much candy as we could stuff into our bodies, while lamenting the fact that our mother was a hippie weirdo. I guess I never really bought into the concept as a youth. I'm not positive I totally buy into it now, but I guess it's too late at this point.
Anyway, for the uninitiated, a juice fast (or one variation of it) consists of a couple of days of raw fruits and vegetables only, followed by three days of fresh juices and water only, followed by a couple more days of raw fruits and veggies. The idea is that you detox your body by cleansing your blood, your colon, your liver, and you give all the major organs a rest (except the heart and lungs, which have to keep doing their respective jobs--oh, and the skin. It doesn't get much of a break either, except for maybe it clears up). Unfortunately, one also takes enemas on a daily basis, presumably to facilitate the cleansing of the colon. Ugh.
So here's what I learned:
1. Sometimes it's a good idea to keep things very personal and private. Having the entire family gathered around outside the bathroom door, listening and laughing at one is not always a pleasant experience.
2. Any combination of eight vegetables in the juicer does not a V-8 make.
2a. Some juices mixed together taste really disgusting, and can only be consumed by plugging the nose and promising self great rewards later.
2b. The tastiness of a juiced fruit or vegetable can be directly related to the difficulty of juicing it. Kale and spinach have a hard time making it through the juicer. Apples and blueberries do not.
3. I actually feel much, much better. Less bloating, more uplifted spirits, and more energy. I also lost ten pounds, which I will definitely not keep off, since I was starving myself, but I think I can now implement a better exercise routine and healthier diet.
4. Don't make fun of your mom. Someday you will be her, whether you like it or not, and then you'll be sorry for mocking. Sort of.
11 comments:
You totally had me until the ENEMA portion of the regime. Now, I feel I must go ahead as planned with my hot chocolate and cupcake fast.
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You could always try the delightful hot chocolate enema, natgo.
I think the coffee enema is more widely recognized as the beneficial way to go. I did NOT do that.
Good luck with your fast, Natgo. I'll be curious to see if we acheive similar results. Next time I may change my methods.
I'm glad you feel better, sweetie. I don't know that I'll be signing myself up for any of that, though. :-)
You might not have known it, but all of us (your blogfriends) were outside the bathroom door laughing too...
I thought it sounded like a crowd out there . . .
UPDATE: The Hot Chocolate and Cupcake Fast only lasted until the pizza showed up. Good thing, too, becasue after th.'s suggestion, I'm totally OFF the HoCho. YIKES!
So another health experiment is tried in the Dalton household. I hope you're keeping track of them all. Maybe you can write a book.
And I was thinking that OUR meals were bad. (For supper last night we had plain rice with cream of chicken soup. Funny thing though, the kids loved it, which tells you how low their standards are.)
Also, you said, "...and you give all the major organs a rest..." I'm just wondering if this includes the brain. Perhaps when the coma sets in from beta carotene poisoning?
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I hope you don't all die becaue of my suggestions.
Yeah, I'm not so eager to try your juice fast, either. And I thought of you today as I helped myself to my fat-free sour cream since it's so full of MSG, but I don't care. And I also thought of you when I realized that it's time I start taking some Alieve, if you know what I mean.
Th.: too late. Someone had the good sense to try the hot chocolate enema on the neighbor's dog, instead of a human, but now we are facing the consequences of killing off pets that don't belong to us. You should be more careful with your online advice, I think.
MamaJ: I don't consider the brain a major organ. Not in my family, anyway.
Savvymom: Haven't tried water and cayenne pepper. That sounds dumb. Unlike MY diet, which is right thinking and healthy. Ahem.
Cicada: When you're ready to rid yourself of the ill effects of MSG, you know where to go for help. I'm here for you.
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