Love/Hate Relationships

I hate mlm (multi-level marketing). Everything about it gives me the creeps; however, I use Noni's body butter and NuSkin's vitamins, and I love, love, love them. In my defense, the Noni stuff is given to me free by a friend. I buy all her kids' clothing at yard sales, and she gives me product. How am I supposed to turn down an opportunity for her to express her gratitude? It's a service, really. The NuSkin stuff was marketed under a different name (tricksters that they are), and I didn't know it was NuSkin until I was already sucked in. So I'm not a complete sell-out.

Something else I love: my husband is not a gossip. Talking about other people behind their backs doesn't even interest him. On the other hand, I hate that he knows everything and won't tell me anything.

Here's a classic example of a conversation between my and my husband after he gets home from bishopric meeting:

Me: So . . . how was your meeting?
This means, I'm not going to ask you anything, because that would be wrong, but I've just opened the door for you to tell me anything you think I might enjoy hearing.

Him: Fine.
This means, I'm going to take your question literally, and answer it in that vein. The meeting was fine.

Me: Really? So it was fine? Oh. That's good.
Door number one failed to attract your attention when it creaked open. How about door number two?

Him: Yeah.
Still clueless. No go.

Me: Well. Great.
sigh.

I have to get all my information from the bishop, who isn't a gossip either, but he dearly loves to talk. So a few properly worded, subtly probing questions, and he's off. Here's a typical conversation between me and the bishop:

Me: So . . . how's everything going?

Bishop: Don't even ask me about (fill in the blank--what I'm going to do about the Relief Society/the guy who said weird, freaky things in sacrament meeting last week, the family who is mooching unnecessarily off the ward, etc.)

Me: Okay, I won't.

Bishop: Okay, I'll tell you.

Me: Really, you don't have to tell me anything.

Bishop: I know, but I will. But it's confidential, okay?

Me: Oh, of course.

I don't like to have information in order to share with others. I just like to know what's going on. And it seems to me that there should be certain, um, perks to having your husband gone all the time. And that should be that sometimes you get to know what's going on behind the scenes. I don't want to know who's fornicating, or how much tithing people are paying, or any bad things about people. I just think it's fun to know what they talked about; are they going to address the issue of the young men's stupid hair, the child neglect around the corner from us, or that one woman who keeps hitting everyone in the ward up for drugs? Stuff like that.

I don't think my dear husband is trying to keep things from me. I think he just forgets all about it the minute he leaves the office. Unless he has an assignment, of course. He'll make a perfect bishop someday if that's in The Plan, because people will be able to tell him all their darkest secrets (which I will NOT want him to repeat to me) and he'll literally never remember them.

I'm not saying I'd rather be married to my bishop or anything like that. I love that I'm married to my husband. I just hate that he won't tell me stuff. But I love that at least there is someone who will.

And if you'd like to become a distributor at the diamond or platinum level, don't call me. I can put you in touch with my Melaleuca neighbor though. Love her. Still hate mlm.