A friend was trying to console me the other day by pointing out that she did a lot of dumb things as a teenager, and she turned out okay. It worked, sort of, but then I started remembering all the dumb things I have done. Then I just felt really stupid and embarrassed. Sadly, most of them have taken place after my teen years were far behind me.
In the interest of full disclosure, and with the understanding that some people will probably not let their kids come to my house anymore and others will just laugh, here are some of the dumbest things I've ever done, in no particular order:
1. Twenty-first birthday. I did not get drunk. I did, however, take a bottle of Martinelli's out into the street and lie down in the gutter while my friends took pictures of me. Then I went in and leaned over the toilet, with the bottle in my hand, while they took more pictures. We laughed hysterically the entire time, because, well, it was funny. Then my false friends gave copies of the photos to the Institute teacher.
2. A very nice guy at college asked me out. Since he was a Navy dude, I figured it was probably safe. He picked me up an hour early, and was angry that I wasn't ready. That should have been my first clue. Instead, I got ready real quick and left the house with no money in my purse. Not even a dime for a phone call. After the guy dragged me around to a few bars and had a few drinks at each one, he stopped off in a neighborhood I was completely unfamiliar with and left me in the car while he went inside to take drugs for an hour. He was disappointed when I quietly asked him to take me home after that. Then, about a block from my house, he turned to me and said, "I killed a girl here once." Then he asked if he could kiss me. I'm smart, because I said no.
3. Went skinny dipping with my sister. This in itself isn't so bad, except that I had the kids I was nannying with me, and we were jumping up and down in the water. We did go out about a hundred yards into the lake, so they couldn't see very well, but still.
4. Went out with a Hot Indian guy from Colorado State who was passing through town for a tennis tour. Made out with him in a car in the mountains. Alone. At night. Later, when he offered to set me up with an apartment as his mistress, I declined (that's not the stupid part). I guess his parents had an arranged marriage all set up for him back in India, but he liked my kissing very much.
5. Drove up alongside the kids in my carpool and yelled to them to get in my car and I'd give them some candy. They walked over to the car like zombies and got in, but the other ten kids on the street stood and stared, and then looked very much like they were going to hurry home and call the cops. I'm fairly embarrassed to say this happened just this week. This is one of those things like talking about weapons in line at the airport. You don't really do it. Unless you're stupid.
Okay, I'm getting a little red in the face now. Perhaps I'll come up with more later, after I've cooled off a little. On second thought, I think my kids will probably turn out just fine.
9 comments:
I'm sorry. Please picture me falling off my couch laughing, because that is what is happening to me right now, in between bouts of shocked gasps.
There were these Elders who would go to my grandpartents' home and stay way too long. One of them fell asleep on the couch once. A friend of my grandpa's had had a baby that week and passed out cigars. My grandpa had taken a cigar and put it in his sock drawer.
One day, one of the Elders fell asleep on the couch with his head tilted back and mouth open. My grandpa ran to get the cigar and his camera. He got the cigar in the Elder's mouth without ever waking him up and took a picture and sent it to the mission president.
Just thought I'd share that.
I love your list, by the way. Hysterical. One day I'll talk about all the trouble I got into my freshman year... but since my parents read my blog, maybe I'll just send it to you.
I don't remember it happening that way, my brother. I thought I sold you out as soon as I realized what happened. I felt bad about it for years, because I could have just pretended I didn't know who'd done it.
I have to take exception to your story: I was in the army, but other than that, it happened just that way. (Well-a, hey-yay-yay-yay.)
Number 5 is my favorite.
One of my stupid things: I once hitched a ride with a semi driver.
Brilliant post.
I once got pulled over doing 110 in my parents' convertible. That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. I could have died. Your things were more... funny.
I've got tons more--and all of your comments have made me remember others. I just had to stop, because that skinny dipping one really does embarrass me to even think about. Especially since the boy told his mom later. I take my hat (or should I say swimsuit?) off to you, though, Brozy. That was awesome!
Stupidr, if you were in the Army, you should have told me that, instead of saying you were in the Navy. Maybe that was all part of your psychotic plan, I don't know.
And Coop, the whole idea was to post the funny ones. The actual stupid ones will remain secluded from the general public forever. So maybe next time you'll hear about how I did 120 on I-80 near the Salt Flats and didn't get pulled over, but almost lost control of the car. We'll see.
Coolbro, thanks for the kind wishes. I hope you have learned your lesson and won't do the pool pooping thing ever again.
One time on my mission we discovered late at night that someone had left a toilet by the side of the road. I had my companion take a picture of me pretending to flush the BOM down the toilet. And for some reason I decided to keep it in my album of mission pictures. People always comment on that one--I really should just take it out (and the one of me showing off my legs while my companion is posing with her bra on her head). Sheesh.
Fox: At least you weren't showing off your bra while your companion was posing with her legs on her head.
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