Wretched

I would generally describe myself as one with a strong stomach. Today would not be a day that I describe myself in that manner, however. Lynne (my weak-stomached stepmother), if you're reading this, get out now. Consider yourself warned.

Flashback to about three days after the blissful honeymoon. Daltonboy got sick, and proceeded to hurl all over me about five times. This was partly my fault, for not getting out of the way, and for not bringing him a bowl when he asked for it. Apparently he doesn't believe in running for the toilet, because that would be admitting to oneself that one is going to throw up. Anyway, did I get sick, even when I was covered with another person's barf? No. I cheerfully cleaned it up and went back for more. I then labelled myself One Who Can Handle Any Situation with Poise and Good Humor. This may have been a mistake, considering the fact that I was still honeymooning, really.

Fortunately, people at my house don't vomit very often. Yesterday was an exception. The RHS came home, announced that she had been given the role of the witch in "Into the Woods," cried for a while (that's normal), and then proceeded to projectile vomit over every surface in the living room. Apparently the school pizza wasn't sitting well. Chunks of curdled mozzarella all over the couch, carpet, Scottie Dogs Adorables Terriers puzzle, cushions, and the book she was reading.

This is when I start to check out. She's crying and apologizing, sitting in a pool of pizza, and I'm sitting on the floor trying to clean stuff up, and retching so much my stomach hurts. Since it's about time for daltonboy to be home, I call him to see if he can step on it. Am chagrined to find that he stopped off to shop for new shoes. As I'm trying to catch my breath, I gasp out to him that he'd better put the shoes down and get himself home, pronto. Being the sweet man that he is (also he didn't really need shoes), he obliges. I really tried to get the stuff cleaned up before he got home, but when I had to start swallowing stuff back down, I gave up.

All I can say is that it's a good thing we bought that Home Maintenance System back in July. It earned its keep yesterday, and how!

So fifteen hours later, she's still going at it. This time, I was smart enough to administer a bowl. Also, my stomach muscles are feeling quite toned. I am One Who Can Handle Any Situation with Poise and Good Humor.