I'm currently researching a few things for my bishop so he can educate the parents of the youth (read, bring down the smack). And you thought I was just sitting at my computer reading blogs all day. No, I'm actually doing a little work.
Why am I the bishop's research assistant, you ask? I don't know. Maybe it's because I pretend to know everything. Maybe it's because I'm the only one he knows with a computer. Maybe it's because I freak out about stuff and make daltonboy bring it up in bishopric meetings. Anyway, I get a new assignment about every two weeks. These are the topics I'm currently looking into:
Caffeine--why are our kids drinking "energy drinks" and drugging themselves so they can stay up all night playing "Halo 2"? What's wrong with these drinks, and why should parents teach their kids not to consume them? They're not health drinks. They're drugs. While we're at it, why should parents monitor the video games their kids are playing?
Choking--depriving yourself of oxygen to get high is not a game, and it's not safe. People die from this. It's also not healthy or right, even though you're not taking a pill.
Cough Syrup--drinking a bottle of cough syrup to get high is not safe or right. It's called taking drugs, even if it's legal. See caffeine.
Cutting--carving designs into your skin is not right, even though you're not patronizing a tattoo parlor. It's called self-mutilation, and it's wrong. So is burning your skin in order to get cool-design scars all over the place.
Corseting--body piercing rows of rings up your spine and tying laces into them, and then wearing a sheer blouse to show the whole thing off is immodest and wrong. (Wearing no blouse would be wrong, too.) This should be a no brainer.
Notice anything about all these topics? They all start with the letter "C." That's right. And if you closed off the bottom of the C and had three of them, what would you have? 666. Enough said, I believe. I came up with this all by myself, and I'm quite proud of it. Perhaps all the code-making with my family's names heightened my awareness. Anyway, I may have to eliminate the letter C from my vocabulary and writings. Also I may have to eliminate all contact with the outside world, because things are really Creepy out there.
10 comments:
Savvy--yes! I echo everything you said.
I tried to tell you, I live on Methlab Row. You thought I was kidding.
A lot of this stuff isn't a big problem in our ward, but it's going on, so parents need to be involved and aware in order to prevent it. I'm just throwing information at the bishop so he'll be prepared.
And don't get me started on Halo 2. It just gets me all ticked off. Then I'll start talking about endowed women who wear bikinis, and will not be in a fit state to receive my children when they come home to a safe haven after school.
Breathe . . .
Wow. I would love to have your job! I would venture to say that the cutting and burning and self-mutilation would probably indicate emotional distress instead of (or in addition to) general disobedience.
Actually it's become a great form of body art, so only the kids who are slashing at themselves randomly would be considered at risk.
I looked at a lot of great Web sites and photos. Let me know if you want some links.
Now excuse me while I go puke.
Gross, are you serious? Some people have such stupid ideas.
I am officially old. I have never heard of some of these things! I guess that's good. I'm most disturbed by the idea that kids are choking themselves to get high? Are you kidding? I also heard that you get a really great high from cutting your hand off and then spinning around really fast. Now THAT'S cool.
Why did I just have a kid?
By the way, I don't think EVERYTHING that starts with a C is evil. Well, I guess I've never considered the possibility that I could be the devil. I'll have to look into that. I'll get back to you.
Far be it from me to accuse you of devilry, Coop. But the facts do add up . . .
And yeah, the choking thing is definitely for real.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/07/13/choking.game.ap/?section=cnn_topstories
So sad. Also sad that I don't know how to put a link in my comment. Help, anyone?
I think the thing is to keep oneself informed. My opinion (after researching some of this stuff) is that if our kids will follow the FTSOY guidelines, they'll be okay. Because one thing leads to another. Multiple piercings lead to corseting, and that sort of thing. But we have to be constantly aware that new things will crop up every day, and talk, talk, talk to our kids all the time about what they're playing and stuff.
And if you see Sweet Baby J with a can of compressed air, don't assume she's going to clean your keyboard.
Sweet Baby J: great name! You may win for her.
To put a link in your comment, you have to do html tags. They have to be in the bracket thingies (see above the comment box where it says "You can use some HTML tags, such as...). To do a link, type a left side bracket, the letter a, space, then type "href="http://whateversiteyouwant" (in quotes like that), and then a right side bracket. Then type whatever word you want to be highlighted as al ink, such as "go here", and then a left side bracket, the a slash like this: / , another letter a, and then a right side bracket. Make sense? Hope it's not ridiculously confusing because I didn't know the right terminology for the brackets or the slash--I'm an idiot. Here's an example: I like this site.
Also the fact that I apparently can't type or proofread might make that worse.
Wow. You know, I had a friend who sewed buttons on her ankle in high school. But putting a row of rings up your back? Ick, ick, ick, ick.
Oh, and have we told you that we were given special directions at our office *not* to inhale the compressed air? Man, they know how to spoil the fun around here.
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