Some people have a hard time getting things done in a timely manner. Some people are easily distracted. Some people are not going to graduate from high school. Other people are very, very worried about those people. They want to help, but nothing seems to sink in. So the other people continue to worry, and some people continue to do almost nothing, while sinking into depression and feeling generally bad about themselves. I thought about this for a long time last night. Then I realized that some people are a lot like me (except that I graduated from high school and college, all by myself). But the tendencies are the same. And so I hopefully offer this little allegory, wherein I will not chop down, prune, graft, or involve my olive trees in any way:
I go into my bathroom. The floor looks dirty. "I should clean the floor," I think. "It would only take a few minutes, and then I'd feel really good about myself, and I wouldn't have to leap from the bath mat to the bedroom when I get out of the shower. Yes. I should clean the floor."
And yet . . . it's not that dirty. It's been dirtier. Much grosser than this. I mean, I only just mopped it a few days ago. I'd be fostering OCD tendencies if I cleaned it now. Maybe tomorrow.
So I wait. And it's not like I can avoid going into the bathroom. There are lots of things that have to be done that can only be done in that particular room.
Next day. The floor looks dirty. I should clean it. It would only take a few minutes. But really, it's not that much dirtier than it was yesterday, and I didn't think it was necessary to clean it then.
Several more days go by. Now the previous thoughts are interspersed with thoughts like, "I am such a loser. I stay at home all day, presumably to take care of my family, and I can't even take five minutes to clean the bathroom floor. What a moron I am. I'll never be able to do anything right," and so on.
Finally the day comes when the situation can no longer be ignored. I clean the floor. It looks beautiful. "I'm going to do this every day," I think. "It only takes a few minutes, and then it will never get gross again."
Next day. (Go back to beginning and read again.)
So what do I do? I recognize that there's an unhealthy pattern here. One, I'm abusing myself and refusing to improve and realize my potential. This leads to depression, and a dirtier floor. Two, I'm lazy. Three, I owe it to myself to have a clean floor, which makes me feel better about myself, and getting out of the shower.
I take steps. I act. I sign up for FlyLady. Again. I obtain tools that will make the job easier. I gird up my loins. I clean the floor. I tell myself it's okay if I make a mistake and skip once in a while--just get back on the horse. I feel good. I remind myself each day that yesterday felt good. I want to feel good again today. For three minutes, I tear myself away from my blog and all the other riveting things that make up my day. My floor is clean. I am awesome! I feel great!
Tomorrow, I will look at the laundry pile . . .
5 comments:
Wanna please look at my laundry pile? If you don't want to drive up here, the 850 will take you. Please look at my laundry pile (I've been creative with my wardrobe lately---like wearing things I haven't worn in years---because I can't seem to get around to throwing my stuff in the washer and dryer). While you're at it, please look at my bathroom floor. Except I have a fairly decent system for that. I say, "The Boy, please clean the bathroom." And it gets done.
That's how I feel about going to bed on time. it's just such a better life when I am rested. And yet, when it gets to 11:45 PM, you'll still find me at the neighbor's house, telling stories and singing the national anthem from the balcony. And when it gets to 9:45 AM, you'll still find me falling asleep in Psych 361: Principles of Learning, ironically enough.
The way I avoid the problem of the bathroom floor (what is that stuff anyway?) is by telling myself that if I'm going to clean the floor I'll have to clean the counter and mirrors and tub and everything and I don't have time for that. Then I reassure myself that someday, when I am not pregnant and working full time, my floors will be lovely and clean all the time.
Back when I was roommates with Nemesis, it was a whole lot easier cause we both just blamed the mess on the other mentally and trotted off to work.
Being single, I tell myself that I don't have to clean the bathroom that often because who's going to see it anyway? If/when I get married, THAT'S when I'll start always keeping it clean. Isn't that the way it works?
Oh, that sounds so much like me! It's been weeks since I cleaned the kitchen floor, and it's just getting stickier and stickier. But I keep looking at it and thinking about it.
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