Candied dates--oh, so sweet, and some people even think they're tasty

Now that almost all of the "Meet the Candidates" events are over, I feel it's time for me to offer a little summary of what I've seen and heard. Bear in mind that in the manner of my review of the PTA convention, it's not going to tell you who to vote for or what actually happened politically. If you want a substantive, insightful review, better visit my friend David's blog. We don't need more than one of those, and even if we did, I'm not smart enough to write one. I'm not too worried about offending anyone, since a maximum of five Ayeff people read my blog (and that's a generous estimate), but just in case, I apologize in advance for anything inappropriate I might be tempted to say.

Here are the strikes, in no particular order:

1. Apathetic citizens. Okay, so maybe for one of these events you were at the football game. But what's your excuse for all the other opportunities you had and didn't take? Now you're going to go to the polls (if you're not too busy watching American Idol) and vote irresponsibly, because you don't know anything about these candidates, except that you like their signs (zodiac or otherwise). Then you're going to sit around and complain about stuff for the next four years when the people who are unknown to you make decisions you don't like.

2. My favorite candidate claimed that she doesn't let anyone tell her what to think. Yet, after the event last week, I asked her to think about not putting her hands on her hips when she stood up to talk. She clearly thought about that, because she didn't do it again. Does this constitute lack of integrity? I'm so confused.

3. When you're naming other currently-serving Council members, don't leave out the current Councilwoman and mention a man's name who isn't serving at this time. This might raise the hackles of women in the audience. Since women do currently have the right to vote, this might be bode ill for you.

4. Don't tell stories about "old Indian chiefs." Maybe "this reminds me of a Native American proverb" would work better, if you simply have to share.

5. If you're overweight, I don't have a problem with that; however, don't stand with your hands behind your back, causing your suit jacket to strain the single button.

6. It's great that you read deToqueville and all that. But if you don't know anything about actual politics in this city, that might not go over real well with voters.

7. Try to balance what you've done with what you're going to do.

8. Stop talking about certain families who have been here for a hundred and fifty years like they deserve better treatment than anyone else. I know that's not what was actually said, but sometimes it comes across that way. Leave the part about how long the family has been here out of the equation, because it just doesn't matter. Then the remaining 15,000 of us who aren't fortunate to have had pioneer ancestors settle this area can relax and listen to what you're really saying.

9. The word is "fork," people. Not "fark." Do your best.

10. Not enough Michael Jackson lyrics used in the speeches.


Props for the following:

1. Everyone being really nice to each other.

2. Candidates who have tons of money not flaunting it by showing up in Prada suits.

3. The responsible woman who attended several of these events, because she still wasn't sure how to vote.

4. Everyone had their hair done really attractively.

5. Everyone was very articulate. If they actually had something to say, that came across very well.

6. People who let their sense of humor show. I appreciate this, because I think it's going to take a good sense of humor to run this city, as it does with any demanding job. I don't want flippant, but I like to know it's there.

7. Everyone is so flippin' nice.

8. Great moderating by our friendly and generous State Representative.

9. Everyone has a pronounceable name.

10. Everyone was very good to keep Church talk out of it, mostly.

So that's what I think. Also, I know who I'm voting for. If you don't, call me and I'll tell you who to pick.