Lola's Labels

Since this post is about little girls' clothing and shopping with my daughter, I figure it's as good a time as any to unveil her new online name. We've given it some serious thought, and decided that she will be known from now on as "Lola." If you haven't seen "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen," starring the incomparable Lindsay Lohan, don't bother. The title should give you enough of an idea. If you really want to watch it, please come over and borrow our copy. Keep it as long as you like.

So anyway. Girls' clothing can be found with a wide variety of labels. And I'm not talking about the kind that shows on the outside of clothing, like the "Dittos" label we used to have to sport on our butts when I was a kid. These are labels only the wearer can see, so only the wearer is affected. Some of the labels are very cute, classy, and fun, such as:

Common Threads
Leapin' Lizards
or
Rose Cottage

Then there are the majority of other labels. Of course the brand names like Old Navy, Gap, and Xhilaration don't count. Try these on for size and see if you want your little girl sporting around a shirt that tells her this about herself every time she pulls it on:

y b normal
Being different is okay, if everyone else is weird, but is this really the attitude we want the kids to take? Personal issue with this involving my ex-husband, so if it doesn't resonate with you, it's probably just me.

California Body
Over twenty-five years of living in California told me my body didn't fit there and never would until I was stick thin, blonde, and cancer tan.

Perfectly Dressed
Yes, we should be clean, neat, lovely, and of good report, but do we really have to worry about being perfectly dressed at age ten? Shouldn't we be more about running around and playing? Even getting dirty and messy?

Vanity
No comment necessary, I trust?

Rampage
This term, to me, means "tantrum." I don't have a California Body, so I'm going on a rampage. I'm not Perfectly Dressed, so I'm throwing a tantrum. And just what does one do on a rampage? A stampeding rhino comes to mind.

Denial
Is this supposed to be cute, or funny? "I'm in denial over the fact that there's something wrong with being six years old and dressed like a prostitute."

On the Verge
of a major scientific discovery; of breaking through the glass ceiling; of going on a rampage; of developing pathological vanity; of taking street drugs because I'm so stressed out about my image . . .

Anxiety Cafe (logo sports a steaming cup of coffee)
Wow. I have no response to that.

Disorderly Kids
Again, let's promote just how cool destruction and disobedience are. Because we love you more than your parents do. We want you to be as wild as you want to. Kids will be kids.

And my number one favorite:
Self Esteem
I know, I know, this actually sounds good. The problem is that every single piece of clothing I've seen with this label looks like the pattern was inspired by the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. Is "dressing like a streetwalker" (as my mother used to say) really the way to develop self esteem? Um, no. No, it is not. This is the cruelest form of advertising, and I won't have anything to do with it.

So I can't allow my kid to wear clothes that have demeaning, degrading, or exploitative labels. And we haven't even discussed the cool-sounding labels, like Abercrombie, that I can't allow because they use porn in their advertising. How is a mom to dress her child? Pretty soon she'll be running around stark naked, because I can't stand to have her experience the labels. Will I be making a major point, or what?